You can plan all you want but you never know where life will take you.
I studied evolutionary biology at UC Santa Cruz, before dropping out upon an epiphany which expressed a direct internal message to me that I would be living from now on as a traveling musician. I heeded the call, left school, and moved to San Francisco for a short time before moving to Austin, TX. There I met a man who would then be the drummer in our two-piece band, Fifth Nation. We lived in a van and played over 500 shows traveling around America. Whenever we settled down briefly to record, we would live in Austin or New York City. We even lived for two years in our windowless Brooklyn music studio. It was a savage lifestyle, to say the least.
Salvador Dalí said: “I don’t do drugs. I am drugs.” I say: “I don’t do music. I am music.” So when Fifth Nation disbanded 3 years ago, there was no way I was going to stop playing, as exhausted and as devastated as I was. So I learned how to become a music producer — how to compose an entire song, play all the instruments, use effects and mix the parts. I am in love with the feeling of exploration that composition and production gives me — it’s like I am witnessing a portal to a sonic landscape which has always existed, but remained unheard until this moment. It’s spiritual. I have come a long way from a singer/songwriter/guitarist chick — but I still feel like I’m just getting started. My process is open, I do not limit myself. I have a dream, but not a goal. I have a knowing, but not an answer. I have a belief, but I am only human. I suffer insecurities and fallbacks, addictions and distractions. But if my faith ever wavers, it is only for a split second. My heart knows my purpose — it told me. And it continues to tell me, every day, in the face of our struggle.
Yes, our struggle — I zoom out from my own little slice of life, to our collective life, our human experience, and the vision of my place in our tribe clarifies. We are all but messengers — all delivering a message, no matter through what vocation. Seeing it this way takes pressure off, because it makes the whole project less personal. I don’t have to be perfect. I just must be. I just must live. I just must deliver. We are doing this to fulfill ourselves, to fulfill each other. I’ve come a long way from where I was in the video you are about to see — spiritually, mentally, emotionally and musically. And I’m only going to continue to expand, ground, and advance. I am excited to share this journey with you, and I thank you for inspiring, motivating, and encouraging me!
Fifth Nation: “I’m In Love” (2011)
Photo By Sergiu Bacioiu from Romania (Water Drop – Explored) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)]